Methods of Dissociation

When a person has their revelation event the dissociation between their conscious self and true gender identity becomes broken. When a person suppresses or represses themselves, it constitutes an attempt to re-create this dissociation. The trans community sometimes refers to this as “patching your egg up.”

This chapter details all of the ways in which a person can attempt to suppress or repress themselves to create dissociation. However, you cannot forget your true self no matter how hard you try, your true gender identity will always find a way to weasel its way into your thoughts sooner or later.

You should not try to dissociate unless you must stay in the closet for safety reasons, and if you find yourself in that situation you should try to get out of that situation as fast as you safely can. You will never be happy in the dissociation cycle.

There are multiple strategies concerning dissociation, each is detailed below.

Avoidance

Avoidance is limiting external factors that would remind you of your true gender identity or cause gender envy. This might sound simple, but likely includes avoiding everything on this list (and more):

Avoidance isn’t a method of dissociating, it is a method of keeping dissociation from being broken.

Some people may not be able to avoid gender identity alignment even while desperately trying to because just looking at their own arms or hands (or other body parts) makes them think they should align with their gender identity, thus giving them a reaction (e.g. happiness or euphoria).

Why it will fail: Even when you’ve successfully avoided anything that reminds you of your true gender identity, you will still remember it anyway. [9]

Suppression

Suppression is pushing your thoughts of your true gender identity or gender envy out of your mind when they enter. [7, 8]

Creating a mental block to being your gender identity

I call this the “obstacle box”, and it’s the easiest and most common method of suppression. You tell yourself something like “I can’t be my gender identity because I won’t pass because of obstacles,” and then tell yourself that you must forget about it.

How it will often fail: You will remember how it was to align with your true gender identity and then go back to researching how to resolve obstacles.

Deferral

You tell yourself that you will do it when you retire or when the kids move out or when condition.This is the most comfortable method because it doesn't require lying to yourself about anything except timing,

How it will often fail: You keep replacing the condition or don’t follow through when it arrives.

Insufficiency test

You construct a standard for what a "real" trans person is that you fail. You don't have dysphoria or hate your body enough. You didn't know in childhood. You still enjoy being a man/woman. You didn’t figure it out until your 40’s.

The standard is always built to be just barely out of reach, which is how you can tell it's doing suppression work rather than honest self-assessment.

How it will often fail: You keep researching and looking for stories that fit yours to explain why you want to align with your true gender identity.

Reframing it as something else

Perhaps you call it a fetish or escapism, or maybe it’s just depression or a phase. You’ll find ways to explain the feeling differently so that you don’t need to act on it.

How it will often fail: Every time the desire to be like your true gender identity comes back you will be jolted into recalling how it is not how you reframed it.

Legitimacy test

You decide the thought only becomes legitimate if something external confirms it. A therapist has to give you permission or a test has to come back positive.

How it will often fail: It just doesn’t work. Your true gender identity exists orthogonal to external sources and a lack of permission won’t stop gender alignment thoughts.

Counter-Identification

Instead of suppressing your gender identity, counter-identification creates dissociation by going the other direction hard.

Crafting a new identity for yourself

You declare “I was born a woman/man and that’s the way I will be.” You start writing down all of the ways you will embrace your identity as your assigned gender at birth. You might join a sewing circle or start going to the gym. You rope in all of your family and friends (which is even easier if they didn’t accept you for being trans previously and now you’ve “decided you’re not”). They all support you, your dad even buys you a gym membership.

How it will often fail: You find that representing yourself with your new identity feels fake. You will be drawn to your gender identity alignment experience in your alone time and may start experimenting again despite trying to maintain your new identity publicly. Eventually, you no longer have the energy to be fake and your dissociation collapses.

Means of Distraction

Means of distraction take up all of your free time so that you’re not thinking about your true gender identity. Means of distraction often seem fun at first and so they provide what feels like a positive reason to pursue the avoidance that enables them. The fun fades over time as you do the same things repetitively. Eventually, you realize that you’re not enjoying your means of distraction and that you’re using them. This list is by no means exhaustive.

How it will often fail: Despite distracting yourself, you will still remember those times you experienced gender identity alignment and desire to have those experiences again.

Projects

Starting a new project (like writing a book or making a game) and working on it obsessively can take up all of your time. Projects can be a somewhat positive method of distracting oneself, but you will ultimately find that because you’re constantly rushing to avoid your thoughts that your work will be sloppy.

Addiction

The reality is that some means of distraction are a form of destructive habit. An addiction distracts one well because it becomes all-consuming. The addiction can be to anything and the common addictions are all implicated:

• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Gambling
• Porn/Sex
• Food

Religion

Religion provides both a method of avoidance and a means of distraction. The holy text says you can’t be trans and the church then provides you plenty of “friends” and volunteer opportunities to take up your time

Games/Video Games

This one might surprise some readers, but competitive or even casual gaming can be an easy way for someone to distract themselves.

Living a regimented lifestyle that does not allow for exposure to your gender identity

This one combines a means of distraction with avoidance. The perfect example of this is joining a cult that controls every aspect of your life, including all of your time. As every day is scheduled there is no time to consider your gender identity. Most people who use this method will not go to such extremes, but the extreme example illustrates how this works well.