The Revelation Event

Excepting the cases where a person has always known they were trans, a trans person will experience a revelation event: a pivotal moment or set of moments that leads one to think that they may be trans. The revelation event marks the point where a person’s full dissociation with their true gender identity ends, thus is considered a moment of gender association. There are no prescribed prerequisites or processes for the revelation event and it can happen differently in each person.

Gender Identity Alignment

Often, the revelation event is precipitated by a moment where one’s mind, physical self, or social presence aligns with one’s true gender identity, allowing one to consciously perceive themselves as being their true gender identity. This moment is often a person’s first conscious experience of gender identity alignment.

In this book, the term gender identity alignment is used to refer to any kind of alignment with one’s true gender identity. This term also encompasses any changes one would make to align oneself with their true gender identity.

Some examples of activities that could cause gender identity alignment are below, this list is by no means exhaustive:

Wearing clothes or otherwise presenting in ways that a gender typically would
Being called a name associated with a gender
Being referred to with the pronouns associated with a gender
Behaving in ways or expressing mannerisms associated with a gender
Enjoying the friendly company of members of a gender
Actively dreaming or fantasizing about being a member of a gender
Empathizing with and/or finding you’re like a character in a TV show or movie that is a member of a gender
Preferring to act/roleplay members of a gender
Preferring body parts or characteristics associated with a gender
Preferring activities typically associated with a gender
Doing anything else typically associated with a gender

Gender identity alignment does not happen in everyone, and is not required to have a revelation event. It is possible that when one discovers their true gender identity they are already aligned with it, or if they are not aligned with it, they may have no desire to align with it.

Oftentimes, the experience of gender identity alignment causes one to have a notable reaction. This reaction is referred to in other texts as gender euphoria, but this name is inapt because the reaction is not always what people think of as “euphoria.” So, for the remainder of this text I will not use the term gender euphoria, I will refer to gender identity alignment instead.

These are some examples of reactions to gender identity alignment, this list is by no means exhaustive:

A sense of euphoria or happiness
A sense of calm
A sense of peace or alignment
No reaction

In addition to each person’s reaction being different, a single person’s reaction to certain elements of alignment can be different. Shaving body hair may give one a sense of euphoria but wearing a dress causes no reaction. Another person may get a sense of euphoria from wearing a dress and no reaction from shaving. Some people may not experience any reaction at all.

Gender Identity Alignment does not equal a Revelation Event

A person can have gender identity alignment experiences and enjoy them without knowing that they could be trans or even what being trans is. A gender identity alignment experience does not equal a revelation event, it can precipitate one. The revelation event happens when a person realizes they could be trans because of their gender identity alignment experiences or for other reasons.

What a trans person will often find is that if they enjoy one activity that causes gender identity alignment they enjoy others. They often find that they can’t seem to stop themselves from aligning with who they truly are, and if they don’t know that they could be trans, this often leads them to do research and find out. Anecdotally, this is how I found out, after two and a half years of “cross-dressing” without thinking I could be trans, I started researching one night and then had my revelation event not too long after.

Once a person suspects that they’re trans, they begin questioning, which is the topic of the next chapter.

Gender Dysphoria

After their revelation event, or at any time if they don’t have a revelation event, a trans person may start to experience something called gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is a sense of misalignment between one’s perception of oneself and one’s true gender identity, which often manifests as a dislike of one’s current physical self or social presence and/or a desire for additional gender identity alignment. You can imagine the feeling of dysphoria to be like being at a home game for your favorite team dressed in the opposing team’s jersey even though you’re rooting for the home team. You will feel a misalignment and want to change your clothes.

Not all trans people experience gender dysphoria, and many do not experience it right after their revelation event but will experience it later. There are reasons for this:

A trans person could feel no misalignment between their physical self and true gender identity because there isn’t any or because such misalignment does not bother them
A revelation event causes one to think they could be trans, but it does not mean one imagines or perceives their physical selves as their true gender identity. Thus their picture of their true gender identity is limited. As one begins the experimentation process, wherein they explore their true gender identity, a picture of themselves comes into view and they begin to experience dysphoria. This is pretty common.

Unfortunately, a lot of individuals think they need to have dysphoria in order to be trans, and because this dysphoria is not present when they begin questioning, they think they aren’t trans when they really are and find out later, sometimes years later.

There are a few reasons questioning individuals think they need to experience dysphoria to be trans:

In the US and in some places gender dysphoria is a medical diagnosis and so they think they aren’t trans unless they have the diagnosis
Trans community resources often emphasize dysphoria even if not by intention
Gender dysphoria has been associated with transness in the past in a variety of different venues

When thinking about how dysphoria manifests itself, it is best to take the list of activities that cause gender identity alignment and invert them. Again, this list is by no means exhaustive.

Dislike of current clothes because they are misaligned
Dislike of current name because it is misaligned
Dislike of current pronouns because they are misaligned
Dislike of current behaviors or mannerisms because they are misaligned
Dislike being themselves if they cannot present themselves as their true gender identity
Dislikes current body/body parts/body characteristics because they are misaligned
Dislikes activities because they are misaligned
Dislikes anything associated with non true gender identity

This dislike could cause one to want to align with their true gender identity, or they may not experience a dislike at all and just experience a desire.

Desire to wear clothes or otherwise presenting in ways that a gender typically would
Desire to be called a name associated with a gender
Desire to be referred to with the pronouns associated with a gender
Desire to behave in ways or express mannerisms associated with a gender
Desire to enjoy the friendly company of members of a gender
Desire to be a perfect image of a member of a gender
Desire to act/roleplay members of a gender
Desire body parts or characteristics associated with a gender
Desire to participate in activities typically associated with a gender
Desire anything else typically associated with a gender

Sometimes one will experience dysphoria and mentally block out the idea that they have it. This is because the word carries a connotation of being trans that one is not prepared to accept yet. So they will make an online post titled “cis person with no dysphoria why can’t I make this go away” and then proceed to list how they’re nagged by thoughts of removing their genitalia or changing their name or any number of other signs of dysphoria.